It is so hard to be faithful! Not only in the big, important ways, but in the little, everyday choices we have to make.

My niece's birthday was just last month and she got a gift card to a store where you can make your own teddy bear. We went together and I struggled mightily. Do you know that you can spend $4 for underwear for a stuffed animal? Beyond the question, "Why do bears (especially stuffed ones) need underwear?" is a much more important justice issue. There are children who don't have food and clothing, and yet we are spending our dollars on underwear for stuffed animals. How can this be right? And yet, here was a young girl happy and excited to be able to outfit "Mr. Snuggles" through the generosity of her grandmother's gift. Should I have pointed out the inherent injustices in the store or just let my niece enjoy her birthday present?

That store isn't the only retailer of concern, of course. Almost every store is full of "stuff" that is, at best, a luxury. Part of the struggle for me comes from the fact that I love buying gifts for others, so I know that I contribute to the problem. It's just that more and more I am having trouble ignoring the injustice in our spending habits. Is there a family that needs a car that costs $35,000? Why do we need dishes specifically and only for use at Christmas? How do people spend $700 for a purse? Why is coffee that costs $2.79 a cup better than what we could make at home for a fraction of the cost?

I was listening to the Daughters of God CD the other day and one of the songs spoke to me in the midst of my struggle to make sense of all of this. The song is Break My Heart and it prays...

"Please, break my heart, O God,
With what breaks your heart, O God."

I know that if I could see with God's eyes, I wouldn't struggle as I do to make good decisions in my everyday life. But God hasn't broken my heart fully yet. I still get caught up in the way society asks me to see: more is better, spending is good, excess is a reward, we deserve all the good things in life.

The United States Bishops wrote:

Jesus challenges his followers to a change of heart: to proclaim God's reign and to follow his example in taking the side of those most in need, physically and spiritually. The vision of Jesus challenges the church to see things from the side of the poor and powerless, and to assess lifestyle, policies, and social institutions in terms of their impact upon the poor.
(Economic Justice for All: Pastoral Letter on Catholic Social Teaching and the U.S. Economy, United States Catholic Conference, Washington, DC, 1986.)

The vision of Jesus asks us to change our heart—and to struggle each and every day to make wise and holy decisions with our time and money. That is a huge challenge for me, even though I would guess I am doing better than some in this regard. How are you spending your money? When reflected against the Gospel challenge, do your spending habits make sense? I am working on getting better at all of this. Perhaps you will join me.

Let us pray:
Break my heart, O God, with what breaks your heart.
Help me to see how my everyday actions affect people in need.
Open me up so that I can be full of your love for others.
Amen.

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Spirit Compass reflections are developed in partnership
with the Center for Ministry Development.