The Choice of Life — Adoption

By Ann Marie Eckert

My friends Patty and Steve were married five years ago and immediately wanted to start a family. But after a few years of trying to conceive and carry a child, they realized that they would be unable to bear their own child. With renewed hope they turned to adoption as an alternative and began the process with an adoption agency they trusted. But that process also seemed full of pain and hardship. They made many tough decisions along the way about the child they felt they could adopt and often had asked birth parents to consider them as adoptive parents only to be passed over when another couple was chosen. After years of dashed hopes and unfulfilled expectation, their faith was waning. And then one day Patty got a phone call — there was a baby who needed to be placed, would they be interested? Of course they were interested! Patty asked the adoption agency to forward their file to the couple. The adoption agency said there was no need — the couple had already chosen them to raise their child. Could they pick him up tomorrow?

I spoke with Patty a few hours after the adoption agency had called and the joy in her voice was unparalleled to anything I had ever heard. Their prayers had been answered! They were going to pick up their son the next day so friends were stopping by to drop off car seats and diapers, cribs and bassinettes, all the supplies that Patty and Steve had found too painful to fill their house with before this blessed moment. Four months have passed since Matthew came home — and happiness continues to permeate their lives.

But Patty and Steve's story is only one side of adoption. The Daughters of God sing a beautiful song "One Mother to Another." It reminds us of the love of the parents that give their child up for adoption. Theirs is an incredible story of love and sacrifice.

Matthew's birth parents entered the adoption agency a few weeks before they were due to give birth. While no longer teenagers, they were unmarried and unprepared to raise a child. After months of struggle and indecision, they decided to give their child up for adoption. The agency worked with them, providing counseling and help in their time of need, and ultimately, help in placing their child. When asked to select the couple who would raise their child, this young couple simply asked the adoption agency to pull the files of those couples who had been waiting the longest. Can you believe the love and compassion that the birth parents had? Not only were they able to make an extremely difficult decision in favor of the needs of their child, but they were able to see the struggle of another couple as a gift to their child. What insight! What wisdom!

Jesus said in John's Gospel, "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." (Jn 15:13) The beauty of adoption is that the birth parents sacrifice not only for the good of their child, but for the good of the family who will raise their baby. And the love poured out by adoptive parents, at least the many that I know, is a testament to the birth parent's sacrifice.

I think it is important to tell these stories. If we want people to choose life, we have to raise up the place of adoption in our society. No greater love. No better choice.

Let us remember to pray:

Loving God, please be with...
pregnant women and couple struggling to decide.
the families who must honor their decisions.
couples who are losing hope that a child will come into their lives.
families who open their lives and hearts to a child through adoption.
Stand with them in their struggles and joys. Bless them with insight and knowledge.
Amen.

Spirit Compass reflections are developed in partnership
with the Center for Ministry Development.