Letting Go of Anger

By Joan Weber

One of my favorite books from childhood was Little Women. The character I most identified with was Jo, the second oldest. That was partly due to the fact that I wanted to be like her — courageous, talented, a natural leader. But part of it was because I resonated with some of her struggles, such as trying to control a bad temper. In a particularly striking episode from the book, Jo's younger sister Amy almost drowned because of Jo's anger with her. When Jo realized what she had done, she turned to her mother (nicknamed Marmee) for help. She asked how Marmee was able to keep control all the time. Much to Jo's amazement, Marmee told her that she had also struggled with a bad temper when she was younger. Her husband helped her work on her temper by sending her a signal whenever she started losing control. At first she could only physically control her anger — first by leaving the room, then by staying quiet. But gradually her interior caught up with her exterior and she was able to stay in control.

I loved that story! It gave me hope that one day I, too, could control my temper and not lash out in anger. Of course, it didn't happen overnight, and I still struggle with anger — although these days it's usually directed at myself rather than at another person! And when I do lose my temper, I try to employ Marmee's strategy. I work on the exterior first, then try to achieve inner serenity later. I've also tried counting to 10 and other "anger management" techniques. But there are times when I am just so mad that the only thing I can do is turn my anger over to Jesus and ask him to help me.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught his followers how seriously we should take unjustified anger. He proclaimed:

You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, "You shall not murder"; and "whoever murders shall be liable to judgment." But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, "You fool," you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:21-24)

I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if we actually practiced this technique, if we didn't even consider coming to worship until we were reconciled with our fellow women and men. It's an awesome thought. One method that helps me achieve harmony with someone with whom I'm upset is to fill my heart with God's love instead of my own anger, jealousy, resentment, etc. Sarah Hart and Kevin B. Hipp have a beautiful song that helps me find the inner peace I need to be reconciled. The song, Fill Me, O God, has very simple lyrics:

Fill me, O God. Fill me, O God.
Pour out your holy love and fill me, O God.
Reach me, O God . . . Change me, O God . . . Lift me, O God.
Let my heart be yours. Let my heart be yours.

Let's pray that we can let go of our anger and allow God's grace and love to fill our hearts:

Loving God, open my heart to your grace. Help me to love as you love, to see the good in every person — even the ones I am mad at. Fill me with peace, change my anger into acceptance, and let my heart be yours. Amen.

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Spirit Compass reflections are developed in partnership
with the Center for Ministry Development.