Time Has Told
By Amy Vossen Vukelic, Guest Columnist
I heard Julie Hoy's song, Joy in the Dancing, and it struck a chord with me.
God has given us each other that we might share the joy in the dancing.
Julie's words gave voice to the myriad of feelings I have felt since our second child, Erin, packed up and left for her first year of college. While her older brother had already headed off to college last year, Erin's departure was jam-packed with eighteen years of struggle, hope, challenge, grace, and most of all, plenty of joy, laughter, and dancing.
At her birth, we learned that Erin had some health issues that, at the time, were too new within the medical world to warrant a clear prognosis. Two separate doctors shrugged their shoulders and told us that they "didn't quite know what would happen, that the prognosis was up to Erin's body and ability to compensate for the absence of a few important things." They honestly and apologetically couldn't tell us if she would be severely developmentally delayed or fine. Only time, and Erin, would tell.
Time did the telling the night before Erin left for college, when we continued a tradition begun last year which I have named (even though all eyes in the house roll) "The Leaving Home Ritual." For the person who is leaving, the remaining five individually find an existing item from our house that will help ease the transition and remind the person of our love and support. The celebrated person then finds an object for each of us that will help us adjust to life around the house without him/her. We end by reading a Bible passage, and gift each other a sign of peace.
To begin the ritual, I gave Erin my secret inspiration for maintaining the best attitude I can muster each day: a small picture frame with the words, "Peace on the outside comes from knowing God on the inside." I told her that I had initially decided to give her something else because this was a treasured piece of my day, and I feared that Erin would lose it, as she is apt to do. But I changed my mind. I trusted that she would take good care of it, just as I was trying my best to trust that her new school would take good care of her, and not lose her.
Her siblings each gave the perfect gift to her. Emma spent seven hours designing a family scrapbook; Christopher presented her with his favorite goofy hat from his collection; and Greg sent her with an Identification Badge from his mission trip to New Orleans last spring. My husband decided that he couldn't part with his favorite picture of Erin as a little girl. We all laughed tears of absurdity when instead, he sent her off with one of her least flattering baby pictures!
The laughter and teasing continued as Erin gathered her thoughts and items. Looking back, I realize that we were in danger of steering the focus away from Erin who rarely receives full adulation and attention.
Peace and understanding were ours for the next ten minutes, however, courtesy of Erin, who created a sense of deep humility, admiration, clarity, and sacredness around the moment. Nobody would have guessed Erin could do that for us, for she is usually credited only with leaving the bathroom messy, the dishes left out, and being obsessed with the computer. Yet with each person's gift, Erin's essence emerged: She commanded the room with her innate sense of insight, extreme ability to forgive and to love, and her infinite capacity to hope, hope in the promise of that new day tomorrow. Each gift was perfect for each person, even more so as she offered each thoughtful, reverent explanation.
By the time we read the Bible passage to end our ritual, the laughter was replaced with the knowledge that we had been right all along to celebrate this life, lived in faith. Nothing had been wasted — not the struggles, not the sadness, not the loneliness. God had heard, and will continue to hear our every prayer.
Erin has indeed surpassed all of the expectations that we have ever had, and then some . . . which brings us the joy in the dancing.
Spirit Compass reflections are developed in partnership
with the Center for Ministry Development.