A Time for Forgiveness

By Ann Marie Eckert

This past weekend I had the chance to spend some time with an old friend. Barb and I have known each other for over 25 years. We've been very close friends for most of that time, but long ago we had a falling out. It was then that she taught me about forgiveness.

Years and years ago, when we were both teenagers, Barb and I both liked the same boy. She dated him, and then I "stole" him from her. Barb and I stopped being friends (as you can imagine) for over a year. It was a great loss in my life because although I got the boy, the loss of Barb as a friend left a big hole in my life. I believed at the time that there was nothing that I could do to repair our relationship and Barb became someone I used to be friends with.

Then, over a year after we had last spoken, I got an unexpected call from her. She told me that she missed me and that she wished we were still friends. And I told her how sorry I was that I had let a boy come between us and that I missed her too. She was really honest with me about how hurt she had been by my actions. I told her how much I regretted the hurt that I had caused her and acknowledged how our distance had caused me a great deal of pain as well. By the end of the conversation, Barb told me that she forgave me and asked me if we could be friends again. That conversation re-ignited our friendship and the flame has never since been extinguished.

I remember that conversation as though it had happened yesterday because it was the first time I really knew what forgiveness felt like. I felt like the prodigal son, guilty and wounded, returning to the father to ask forgiveness. But in my case the "father" (Barb) did more than greet me at the gate. Barb tracked me down to invite me home, into the feast of friendship we have been sharing ever since.

In my relationship with God, I have had many experiences of forgiveness as well. One in particular was as powerful as I have ever known, teaching me again the joy that comes with forgiveness and how forgiveness strengthens a relationship that has been pulled apart.

Henri Nowen, a favorite Catholic teacher, writes about forgiveness this way:

I have been meditating on the story of the prodigal son. It is a story about returning. For the son, returning to his father was a necessity for staying alive. He realized that he has sinned, but this realization came about because sin has brought him close to death. The father didn't require any higher motivation. His love was so total and unconditional that he simply welcomed his son home.

Isn't this true! We seek forgiveness when our life depends on it, but how about when it doesn't? What held me back from calling Barb first and saying: "Please forgive me, I am lonely without you in my life."? I think it was because I thought that I had to be blameless, and since I wasn't, I didn't believe that forgiveness was possible. But Barb forgave me anyway, and so has God, over and over again in my life. When we seek forgiveness from God, God does not require anything from us other than the request to be forgiven. God, like the prodigal son's father, is just happy to see us home again.

Cyprian Consiglio has written a beautiful song about forgiveness, Create a Clean Heart, from Psalm 51. It can be our prayer . . .

Create a clean heart in me, O God;
renew in me a steadfast spirit.
Give me back the joy of salvation,
with a fervent spirit sustain me.
I will show to others your way; t
hose in sin will return to you.
O rescue me, God, be my helper,
and my tongue shall ring out your goodness.
O Lord, open my lips
and my mouth will declare your praise.

During Lent, we have the opportunity to be different, to be transformed. Perhaps there is someone that you should seek forgiveness from during this time. Perhaps there is someone that you can offer forgiveness to. Perhaps Lent can be a time that you return to the loving embrace of God. Why delay?

Spirit Compass reflections are developed in partnership
with the Center for Ministry Development.